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Level 3: Reconciliation



The third level of self-acceptance is reconciliation, which is the rejoining and reconnecting of yourself to yourself in order to become more whole. It’s about being more accepting of all the parts of you. Let’s look into what reconciliation looks like and then I’ll give you a personal example.

Have you ever been hurt by another person or a group, shut them out of your life for a time, and then later (maybe even years or decades) decided to reconcile with them? If so, what did it involve?

Reconciliation occurs when two parties come back together, the hurt party identifies the offense, the offending party acknowledges the offense and takes responsibility for their part in it, and then the parties agree to have a relationship again. The offense is not forgotten, but rather taken into account, and a choice is made to move forward with an understanding of the past.


To be reconciled to yourself, you have to follow the same steps, only this time you play both sides. You bring up what led to you separating from a part of you and you acknowledge it. Then, you take responsibility for the separation because you did it. Finally, you agree to have a new relationship with that part as you accept it back into you.

Let me give you a personal example.

In my adulthood, I decided I needed to reconcile with the sad part of me. But first, I had to acknowledge why I cut off from it. In sixth grade, seemingly out of nowhere, I started crying uncontrollably in the middle of math class. I felt incredibly ashamed and embarrassed in front of my peers, so I did what my young brain believed was best—I decided I would never show sadness again. I failed, of course, but each time sadness came up after that I pushed it away, shunned it, or chastised myself for it. When I finally acknowledged why and what I had done to cut off from my sadness, I took responsibility for it and invited it back into my life. I continue to work on how to express sadness and honor it in my life as it is no longer separate from me.

Are there parts of you that need to be invited back into you? Having a strong reaction towards something is a clue that you have an alienated part that needs your attention. Maybe it is time to address some of your parts and bring them back home. The book will address this in more detail, and I can help through one-on-one coaching work as well. As always, feel free to contact me at ben@thebenthompson.com.

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